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Words · 2025

Evildoers

A crew of young burglars pick the wrong house, and the wrong witness. Scenes 1–4 of 85 pages.

Form
Feature screenplay
Status
Unoptioned; pages safe to post
Excerpt
Scenes 1–4 of 85pp
Charcoal-style illustration of a dark ranch house at night: a black van idling in the drive, a figure silhouetted in a lit upstairs window sweeping a flashlight beam across the lawn

Scenes 1–4: the opening sequence, from the break-in to the dead-end standoff. Eight pages of eighty-five.


EXT. LARGE RANCH HOUSE - NIGHT

The house is dark save the occasional beam from a flashlight.

A small car is parked across the street - is there someone in the driver's seat? Maybe, or it could be your eyes.

CUT TO

INT. LARGE RANCH HOUSE - CONTINUING

Shadowy figures with flashlights move quickly from room to room, ransacking the house. Valuables are chucked into large canvas duffles.

Somewhere on the first floor, ANTHONY, a dark-haired, slightly scruffy 20-something, gives the wall 3 SOLID WHACKS with his fist.

The others head down to where he waits.

Once all are gathered, the flashlights are turned off and they file out the back door, closing it quietly after.

CUT TO

INT./EXT. LARGE BLACK CONVERSION VAN - NIGHT

Climbing into a waiting conversion van, they pull out into the street and drive a block or two before turning on the lights.

As if the lights controlled the volume of the world, the group breaks into a whooping cheer.

ANTHONY

Great job, guys. In-and-out - 4 minutes!

Anthony leans back in his seat, staring at SAM - his skinny, girl-next-door cute girlfriend with a massive mop of curly brown hair.

Sam stares intently at the road as she drives, but not without noticing his stare. She grins nervously, giving him a sidelong glance.

SAM

I can't believe it worked! That was way better than the first one and it looked like we got a lot more stuff.

Anthony puts his hand on her leg.

ANTHONY

It went pretty great, huh?

He glances into the back of the van, watching the other three.

D, an imposing, heavily scarred Hispanic and Anthony's best friend, sits calmly against the back door smoking a cigarette.

He gives a half salute when he notices Anthony. Anthony nods back.

MARCUS, a well muscled African-American, and MAY, a skinny mixed-Asian girl make out over the haul.

Frowning, he looks past the others and out the back window.

ANTHONY

How long has that car been back there?

Sam checks the rear-view, frowning.

SAM

A minute.

ANTHONY

Find out if they're following us. If there's something we need to deal with, now's the time.

Sam steps into the throttle, the older van groaning under the workload, but picking up speed. The car behind accelerates to match.

SAM

Everybody Should grab something solid real soon!

The road narrows to a tight 2 lanes and Sam hammers on the brakes with both feet. The van noses down and everything loose goes flying, including D, who slams into the back of Anthony's seat.

A split second later, Sam stomps back into the accelerator and cranks the wheel. The big van swings a wide left onto a deserted, dead-end road, leaning dangerously onto two wheels

The little car behind them takes the corner with much more agility.

Sam accelerates once again, pushing their tail to go even faster.

Again she slams on the brakes.

The car behind swerves in reaction and ends up shooting past the van. In a split second, Sam is on his ass, almost pushing him with the much bigger van.

The dead-end appears quickly and both vehicles screech to a stop.

Ready or not, everyone bails from the van with the melee weapons they have on hand - a baseball bat, a tire iron and a pair of bolt cutters.

EXT. SECLUDED STREETS - NIGHT

The group surrounds the car quickly, menacing. D threatens to smash the windshield.

Anthony puts his hand on D's shoulder to calm him. He steps close to the tinted driver's side window and taps on the glass.

ANTHONY

I would get out of the car, if I were you.

The window creeps down the smallest bit - just enough for the person inside to be heard.

CAR DRIVER

I have 911 dialed on my phone! All I have to do is press send and you guys are fucked! Back off!

Anthony runs his finger slowly along the edge of the window and inspects his fingers for imaginary dust.

ANTHONY

You see, friend. That wouldn't be very smart - and I'll tell you why, since you seem like a smart guy.

He motions over his shoulder at Marcus and D

ANTHONY

If you make the unfortunate mistake of

pressing send, my two friends over there are going to rip your car open and beat you to death before the authorities ever show up.

He leans on the car, making the effort to get close to the crack in the window. He lowers his voice.

ANTHONY

All they'll find is what's left of you, just because you didn't want to have a civilized conversation.

Anthony straightens up and waits.

Everyone waits.

The only sound for several seconds is the PING of cooling engines.

A moment, and Anthony steps back and motions to D. D moves forward, raising the crowbar.

CAR DRIVER

Wait!

D pauses.

CAR DRIVER

Look. I'm not going to call the cops.

ANTHONY

Are you going to step out so we can talk like adults? I like knowing who's following me and why.

CAR DRIVER

Um, Ok, I'm coming out. Don't... do anything... violent.

Anthony steps back; the rest of the group follows suit. The driver-side door opens and out steps IAGO, a younger Hispanic, a little older than the group.

D

Fuckin' Iago?

Eyebrow raised, Anthony gives D a sidelong look.

MARCUS

You know him, D?

D

What, like every Mexican knows every other Mexican?

MARCUS

No, asshole, you just said his name.

D

Well don't assume shit because I know a fucker's name, but yeah, I know him. We was in lockup together. You know how it is - everyone sticks to their own kind.

Iago motions at his car and slowly starts to climb back in.

IAGO

Um... I'm just gonna...

Anthony pushes the door - hard. Iago barely manages to yank his leg out before it slams shut.

ANTHONY

No, you're going to wait until we figure out what we're doing with you.

He motions to Marcus and D.

ANTHONY

Squash it, guys.

He indicates Iago with a nod of his head.

ANTHONY

Time is short on figuring out what to do with our friend.

SAM

Take him with us.

Silence for a moment, then Anthony motions to Iago.

ANTHONY

Get in the van. Marcus, you got the car?

MARCUS

I do.

May and Sam climb in the van, waiting. Marcus moves to get in the car. Iago steps in his way - non-threatening, hands up.

IAGO

Look, I'm due at work soon. They'll know as soon as I don't show up.

Marcus puts a hand on Iago's shoulder and slowly but firmly moves him.

IAGO

I work for the Athertons...

MARCUS

OOOOO shit.

He looks over his shoulder at Anthony, who throws his hands up and shrugs.

ANTHONY

So what? What is it I'm missing and who the fuck are the Athertons?

Iago starts to talk but Anthony shuts him up with a finger in his face.

ANTHONY

Not you. Marcus? What's the deal, man? We gotta get the fuck out of the road, so please, make it quick.

MARCUS

The Athertons, man. They own, like...everything. Rumor is they have more money than Bill Gates, but that's just what's around.

Iago steps forward, hand up.

IAGO

They have a lot of money. Like... A lot.

Anthony rounds on him.

ANTHONY

What the HELL am I going to listen to you for. You were following us around after...

He scowls, pushing the bolt cutters up under Iago's chin and pushing him up onto his toes. Iago tries to back up, but Marcus is in the way.

ANTHONY

What is it you were following us for, anyway? No bullshit. I'll start cutting your fucking fingers off right here.

IAGO

I wanted in on your side gig... you know, the break-ins?

Anthony stares at him for a minute, then throws the bolt cutters in frustration.

ANTHONY

Fuck!

He steps up to Iago again, grabbing him and slamming him against his car with enough force to knock the wind out of him.

ANTHONY

What do you know about our side gig... and how the FUCK do you know it?

IAGO

(stammering)

I.....I just.... I mean, I didn't....

Anthony lowers his voice, menacing. Huffing like a freight train and grinding his teeth, he leans close.

ANTHONY

I'm going to level with you, Iago. I've never killed anyone. But then, nobody has ever made me feel like they were a danger to my well-being. You're coming real. Fucking. Close.

IAGO

(pleading)

Come on, man. My cousin is one of the junkies that hangs out at the school. He heard you guys planning. I just needed some extra money, man.

Anthony lets go and steps back.

ANTHONY

You must be fucking desperate to follow us down here.

IAGO

Totally... A grade A stupid fuck move. You're totally right.

Iago looks from Anthony to D to Marcus. Anthony watches him for a moment, then makes a decision.

ANTHONY

Get in your car and leave. I swear, I'll fucking hunt you down and murder you in cold blood if anybody comes snooping about our... work.

Iago is already nodding as he climbs in his car.

IAGO

(over his shoulder)

I'm gone, man. You won't hear from me again.

The three men watch Iago work the car back and forth until he is turned around and leaving.

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